05 31

i do not write very much because i can not tell the difference between an interesting thought and just a thought. similarly i can not tell the difference between an interesting young person and just a young person. i like all of it. i like consistency. i like doing the same things everyday. i take my supplements, hold my legs up on the wall for 10 minutes, brush my teeth, wash my face, put in my contacts, stretch and then, often i hit a vape despite being interested in health. i am confused by health. i create limitations for my own health everyday (vape).

making images is my solution to writing. i know what is important when i am inclined to take a photo. images are how we hold a memory forever. if you are interested in making a memory permanent you can ask yourself “do i want to have this forever?” when i ask myself this questions (and when i take a photo) i remember it for the rest of my life.

this week i have been trying new forms of movement. for the past year and a half i have been weight lifted 3 - 6 times a week. i am not sure if i am doing it right. it is not really about doing it correctly or incorrectly. it is about consistency. having something that is mine. becoming a choice. i never tell myself i have to go to the gym. this allows me to go with ease. i enjoy getting stronger because it is free. that being said, the gym is not much of a hobby. it is independent. a conversation between you and your body. more similar to getting dressed (routine) than enjoying your day (pleasure). it has also been requested of me to find new hobbies. the ones i have no longer count because i make money from them.

monday i took off.

tuesday i tried muay thai and did upper body. it was ok.

wednesday i tried boxing and did back and shoulders. it was ok.

thursday i took off.

friday i did legs.

saturday i tried brazilian jiu jitsu with my sister. it was also ok.

sunday is today. i might take off.

i am not interested in continuing these things. although i am still interested in finding new movement / a hobby. i think soccer sounds nice. my sister and i will try that this week. maybe tennis? someone suggested swimming. i wish i could just walk. nothing compares to walking. i like that walking is hardly movement. it is the ‘nothing’ of exercise. very democratic. i like that it is portable. i like that it is useful. i like that i can listen to ‘all fours’ by miranda july while doing it. walking is a perfect movement. unfortunately it is not considered a hobby unless done to an extreme or at a high intensity (running). maybe i will start a walking team. ‘mundane movement’ by lola dement myers. we would walk from bushwick to downtown manhattan and then back. we would also walk up the westside highway as far as we felt. those are my two favorite walks. the westside highway is for when we are sad. bushwick to manhattan is reserved for fridays when we meet our manager for our routine friday meeting at betty. we will all order a side of steak, a side of sautéed greens, and a side of scrambled eggs. he will tell us about our successes of the week. he will tell us what is to come in the following week. we will ask about his other clients and the girls that he may or may not have seen that week. we will passively run new ideas by him. we will fight over the check and then eventually split it like every other week. then we will all walk back home over the bridge.